Entertainment : From the Front Row of the Balcony: Expendables as bad as critics who like it say

If, indeed, we can judge a movie by what its friends say, then maybe we should begin our discussion of “The Expendables” with some comments from people who gave the movie a “positive review” on the www.rottentomatoes.com:

“Far from awesome and not totally dumb, The Expendables is kinda awesomely dumb, which makes it pretty good fun.”

“Violent.. ridiculous.”

“For action fans raised on Commando and Cobra, the ensemble cast and ’80s-style violence will be pure wish-fulfilment -- but even they could have wished for something better.”

“What we get is pure, unadulterated B-movie stuff, with an A-budget.”

“Simple stupid fun… aggressively dopey.. check your brain at the door.”

“An awful screenplay, horrible acting, and all action — fisticuffs, gun fights, car chases, etc. — is badly edited. It’s a terrible movie…. I loved every cliche-filled minute.”

This is just a sampling of the critics on Rotten Tomatoes that gave “Expendables” – conceived, written, directed and produced by Sylvester Stallone of Rocky and Rambo fame – a positive rating.

And all I can say, after watching it Friday night with about 25 others at the Palace late show, is that those people I quoted above who claim to like the movie are right.

It is, indeed, stupid, dopey, ridiculous...and leaves you wishing for something better. I think I counted exactly three words of more than three syllables. One was slang; the other in Spanish; the third not fit for print.

But Sylvester Stallone has brought in well over a billion dollars with his Rocky movies (all six of them, with a possible seventh under consideration) and Rambo. So someone must appreciate his efforts.

Stallone (age 64) brings in a cast of old guys -- action movie heroes from two decades and four or five presidential administrations ago: Willis (55). Schwarzennegger (63). Jet Li (47). Mickey Rourke (58). The "Expendables" stunt men, I am sure, were much younger.

The Story:

Barney Ross (Stallone) is a mercenary who usually works for the CIA, taking out bad guys who need to be killed in the interest of national security. But Ross and his crew take more pleasure in the killing than in national security.

They are hired for a new job by a man called "Church" (Bruce Willis) to take on a rogue CIA agent who has taken over the cocaine industry in the fictional South American island of Vilena. After touring the island and barely escaping with their lifes, Ross and his crew turn down the job. But after returning to the safety of their tattoo parlor/paint shop/motorcycle repair area, Ross realizes that it's time for his life to count. It's time to do "the right thing."

He returns to Vilena, not to take care of the bad guys, but to save the daughter of the general, who has chosen to stay to try to save the island from the drug lords.

Why you should go: Never mind.

My favorite part: "He wants to be President." There were a few clever lines that inspired some laughs. But not many.

What you should know before you go: If you have seen Rambo, you already know what you need to know.