Health and Fitness : Laugh With Kathy - The Biopsy

Friday, October 5, 2012: You have to have a sense of humor when you walk into a room with a table that has a big hole in the very center, and the tech tells you to climb a ladder and put your right breast in the hole. I look down and say, "But my breast isn't in the center of my body"�yet!"� The tech, the nurse, and the radiologist all laugh. Seriously, there is no graceful way to do this. I'm laughing because this procedure is so bizarre. They get you centered on the table, lying on your stomach with your breast hanging through the hole. Then they raise the table up to what feels like the ceiling. I glance at the nurse and the ceiling, and I think, "I don't remember her being that tall."� It isn't until later that I realize the nurse has climbed a ladder to stand near my head so she can talk to me. And I thought I was uncomfortable! She has to stand there the entire time. I at least get to lie down. The doctor sits on a chair and rolls under the table, and I say, "What are you doing down there?"� and we all laugh. I figure if they are entertained, they will work hard to get me a good result. I get bored easily and find that music relaxes me. So I ask the doctor if I can play my iPod during the biopsy. She explains that I can't wear the headphones while lying on my stomach, but I can place them near my head and turn up the volume. My nurse advocate keeps me entertained by asking about the music I have playing. She notes (well into the procedure) that none of the songs repeat. I explain that I have about four hundred songs on the iPod, and if they start repeating, we have all been there too long. At some point, the radiologist and tech leave the room to mammogram the samples they have taken. The nurse explains that my breast is still in a clamp and that I have a needle sticking into it, so I should not move. Seriously? Either one of those warnings would have been sufficient. I have a vivid imagination, and I don't like where it is going. What if the doctor decides to go to lunch? What if there is a fire? Is there an emergency release button like at the gas pumps? After three hours, I'm finally done with the biopsies, and my bra is packed with four ice bags. It is forty-seven degrees outside. This should be fun. The nurse tells me to go out and have a relaxing lunch but that I should change the ice packs every thirty minutes for the next four hours. Yeah, back at you, sweetheart. You have a nice lunch too. At what point during my nice lunch do I pull the ice packs out of my bra and ask the waiter for more ice from the kitchen? www.laughwithkathy.com **In recognition of October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, Dean and Val have asked me to share some stories from my book Laugh With Kathy, Finding humor in the journey through breast cancer. Each week day during October, I will post an excerpt from my book on Vinton Today. Our hope it that these articles will give you a glimpse into what it takes to beat breast cancer. Proceeds from books sold in October on Amazon and from my website will benefit the Survivors of Benton County. Please note that I was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago, had two years of treatment and I am now living cancer free.