Health and Fitness : Laugh With Kathy - The Wound

*In recognition of October being Breast Cancer Awareness month, Dean and Val have asked me to share some stories from my book Laugh With Kathy, Finding humor in the journey through breast cancer. Each week day during October, I will post an excerpt from my book on Vinton Today. Our hope it that these articles will give you a glimpse into what it takes to beat breast cancer. Proceeds from books sold in October on Amazon and from my website will benefit the Survivors of Benton County. Please note that I was diagnosed with breast cancer four years ago, had two years of treatment and I am now living cancer free. www.laughwithkathy.com Thursday, November 1, 2012: I have read my share of books and watched enough Lifetime Channel movies to know that many women are afraid to look at the scars on their chests after a mastectomy. Some women take weeks before they do this. For me, the unknown has always been more frightening than the known. So when my mom asked me what I felt when I looked at my scar, my lips twitched, and I said, "It sure beats dying!"� I don't want to downplay what others feel. This is just my personal reaction. I didn't get to see the scar all at once. It came in stages. I woke up in recovery, and when I could finally keep my eyes open for a few minutes at a time, I couldn't help but glance down and notice the change in my bustline. Because the left breast was not removed, it gave the appearance that the right side was actually concave, and this threw me for a minute. I was also reassured because the left breast was still there. You see, when I first started waking up, I felt some stinging on the left side. In my confused state, I wondered if the lymph nodes had been involved and if they felt they should go ahead and take the left breast as well. As it turns out, the stinging I felt was the port the surgeon inserted so that chemo will be easier. Most of that night was spent dozing in and out of sleep. The next morning, I decided to take a peek and see what the surgery site looked like. The incision was covered in gauze and had a drain line coming from it. It didn't look as smooth as I thought it would, but there wasn't much to see. Later in the day, the surgeon came in and removed the dressing. Yes, I peeked. Like I said, I would rather know than not know. Well, it doesn't look like I thought it would, and the incision is much longer than I expected. Some of the irregularity is probably due to swelling. The line isn't straight but curves downward under my armpit. Not being an expert in the field, I suspect that some of this is due to my particular anatomy and size and that incisions can vary from patient to patient. So back to Mom's question: What do I feel? Truly, the first thought I had was, "I can live with this."� I don't feel emotional or frightened by it. I don't feel less of a woman. I don't feel embarrassed by the lack of a breast when I go out. I feel like it is part of a process to stay alive, and I want to live. I would much rather lose some breast tissue than risk losing my life. I was so surprised by the roller coaster of emotions prior to surgery, and I find that being on this side of surgery is so much better. On the other hand, I do find the issue of my left breast hanging out and being unsupported to be problematic. It is one thing for it to hang out when my mom and husband are around, but another thing entirely when my sons are visiting. Don't get me wrong, my sons are great. It is a mom thing. Seriously, I have said the word "breast"� to my grown sons so many times in the past few weeks, and I cringe each time. I told my mom that I had considered using a bandanna to make a sling for my left breast but that I was afraid it would hurt if I tried to tie the sling around my neck. We laughed and laughed.