Opinion : Old Long Gone Song: An ode to resolutions soon forgotten

It only takes, according to people who like to count this stuff, about 17 days for the average American to say, "Oh, never mind" to his or her New Year's Resolutions.

Tonight – December 31, 2010 – the people who have with nothing to better to do are standing up at some city street, looking up to the sky to let some giant piece of metal tell them it’s January. Or, if they couldn’t get a ride to New York, the are at home, watching the people watch the ball on TV.

Me, I have better things to do.

But since it’s too cold for baseball, I will stick to writing.

Those people behind those ridiculous oversized – and overpriced – plastic “2011” glasses will soon be singing “Auld Lang Syne,” a tribute to places and people of long ago.

Today, I will share my version of that song – but only in writing, for which all who have heard me sing will begin 2011 with a word of thanks – as I attempt to remind you that January is the official “Family Fit Lifestyle Month,” as well as “National Lose Weight, Feel Great Month.”

These two designations are, I guess, related to the fact that around this time of the year, many people make resolutions about losing weight or other health and fitness goals.

While many people are looking at the scales to see how much more they weighed on Jan. 1, 2011, than on Jan. 1, 2010; and while many others are looking at a closetful of clothes that fit just a year ago, the people who decided that it is their job to tell all of us what is important each month are telling us to focus on fitness in January.

Of course, those very same people are also telling us that January is the time to (according to a variety of publications, Web sites and other lists) clean up your computer, cook slowly, get organized and jump out of bed. Not necessarily in that order, though.

But for those of you fondly remembering the scale numbers and clothing sizes of auld, I offer this rendition of Robert Burns’ traditional New Year’s Day song as it might apply to New Year’s resolutions. With my apologies to Burns – who wrote the words in 1788 in Scotland (look it up) – I offer my 2011 version of that song:

Should auld bad habits be forgot

Oh wouldn’t that be fine?

If when we woke up

On the First

They’d all be left behind

If we could drop those

Extra pounds

And to each other

Be more nice

While finding each a new virtue

To replace our every vice

Wouldn’t it be great

My dear,

Wouldn’t it be fine

If we would have only good habits

To last our whole life time?

If we would all get

Get off our duffs

And do more exercise

Then we would feel more well each day

And wear clothes of smaller size

But there’s one theory

That’s proven true

Much more often

Than it’s not:

If we keep doin’

What we’ve done

We’ll stay stuck

With what we’ve got

So if Eleven

Won’t be the same

As was our Twenty-Ten

Then you and I must

Choose new ways

At least every now and then

Wouldn’t it be great

My dear,

Wouldn’t life be bright

If choosing all the perfect things

Were as easy to do as write?