Opinion : Regifting etiquette: Making the most of Christmas 2011

After learning what you received for Christmas from friends, family, neighbors, customers, associates, and your ex-sister-in-law’s first husband’s second cousin, whom you may or may not have briefly dated in college, you now know exactly how many of those gifts you plan to give to someone else next Christmas.

It’s called “re-gifting,” and so many people admit doing it these days that there have been multiple studies and surveys and news stories and even advice columns about the practice. This, of course, is one of those advice columns.

It is very important not to commit what the French call a “faux pas” while re-gifting. “Faux pas,” of course, is French for “How was I supposed to know?”

And to help you know what you are supposed to do and not do when it comes to the constantly more complicated social rules involving Christmas – oops, I mean “holiday” – giving, I am offering the following advice on regifting etiquette.

The word “etiquette,” by the way, comes from a French word meaning “label,” and the original, unplagiarized definitions and counsel I offer below will help you avoid being labeled a social moron because you didn’t know what you were supposed to know about 21st Century American gifting and regifting etiquette.

I assume you already understand the definition of re-gifting: Giving someone else a present that you opened on a previous Christmas, but really did not want to keep. One of the most commonly regifted items is fruitcake. Some people claim – or rather vehemently deny the claims – that some regifted fruitcakes have been passed along for decades.

But there are a few other “gifting” practices that are becoming more common in our age. Not quite “re-gifting,” these practices are other holiday giving customs that make each holiday memorable – or in some cases, painfully unforgettable. People participate in these practices for a variety of reasons.

Here are a few of these practices, along with my suggestions about how to use these techniques to bring to yourself – and spread to others – the most Christmas spirit possible, without unduly offending anyone, thus landing yourself on someone’s permanent naughty list:

E-gifting: Re-selling an unwanted gift on an Internet auction site.

Free-gifting: As the name implies, giving as a present something you received for free. This is thee ideal way of giving, if you can find a way to obtain such items without the recipient learning how little you spent on him or her.

Pre-gifting: Shopping 24/7/365 for very cheap clearance aisle and bargain basement gifts that make it look like you spent a lot on Christmas presents again this year.

Plea-gifting (Must be done very carefully): Buying a gift for a person in an attempt to get said person to improve himself. This, of course, must be done subtly in order to achieve the desired goals. Giving items such as a treadmill or nose hair remover would be way too obvious to be appreciated and may result in a most regrettable form of regifting – having the recipient re-wrapping and presenting your gift back to you some future Christmas.

De-gifting: Deciding a few days before Christmas that someone you bought a gift for now deserves to be on your naughty list.

Me-gifting: Realizing that the gift that seemed perfect for your sister or brother is even more perfect for you.

Tree-gifting: Picking and wrapping a gift for the express purpose of impressing the staff at the office party who see the recipient opening the gift and wish it was you who had drawn their name instead of the company cheapskate.

Tee-gifting (Quite similar in nature and purpose to tree-gifting): Seeking to impress bosses, customers or colleagues with a gift so amazing they will still be talking about it next summer on the golf course.

And the most important gifting technique of all:

See-gifting: The happiness you see on your child’s face when they open their gifts, and the memories you have of the days when gift-giving and receiving was so much less complicated and socially perilous than it has become.