Opinion : The three lists that indicate what we are looking for

"WHAT are we looking for?"

A clearly-irritated female voice echoed across the aisle of a building supply store.

I do not know the lady or her husband. (I assume it was a husband; it did not seem like a first-date location or question.)

But I could have told her what he was looking for.

It's easy.

He was looking for the same thing every guy is who goes to those places.

He was looking for the same thing every woman seeks in a craft or hobby store, the same thing every gardener seeks in a nursery, the same thing every outdoor enthusiast or athlete seeks at a sporting good store. (And yes, I know, there are women who go to building supply stores or men to craft stores knowing what they are looking for, and not asking. I saw a few women at one building supply store yesterday, including a mom with two preschoolers.)

So what are we looking for in these places?

Simple: Three things.

Or rather, three lists.

First, of course, is the list in our hands. That includes specific things we need for a specific project. Yesterday the list in my hand included 2 by 4s, screws and shingle nails.

Every person's list is different, of course. But we go to these places with some specific thing, or things, in mind.

But not always.

The second list we have is the list in our heads. This list includes ideas for future projects that we are still planning. We do not know specifically what we need, but when we see it, we will know we have found exactly what we are looking for.

The pre-made porch railings, the lights in the bedroom and the back porch area, and the skylight I bought on sale yesterday are all things that were not on a specific list, but they met needs I knew I had.

My guess is that the husband with the question ringing in his ear was looking for something on that list when his wife tried to find out why he was stopping in an aisle that clearly did NOT include anything on the list in his hand.

We do this because when it comes to our projects we are often guessing. Sure, the professionals among us do much less guessing than us amateurs (although in a moment of candor, such a pro would probably tell us that he makes more guesses than we would expect).

I am a guesser. I have no training or formal experience. Everything I buy and do is based on my best guesses. I have asked lots of people who know more than I do what I should do. And I looked at examples of things created by people who actually know what I am doing.

My guesses also take into account my limited budget, my limited supply of knowledge and experience and even my limited tools. I am looking for things I can do myself with the tools I now have. Sometimes, I guess wrong, and try something that does not work. For that reason the list in my head includes various plans and versions of plans, some of which a professional could tell me are not-so-good. Often, I have proved them right.

So why do we do all of this looking and guessing and building and trying?

I am glad you asked; the third list we take to these building and hobby and sporting good stores is the list in our hearts. It's the variety of reasons we do all of these things.

I had to sit in the van when I got back from my shopping trip yesterday to listen to a song I had not heard before: "Just Fishin." It's about a father and the memories he is making although his young child "thinks that we're just fishing."

I am not a fishing enthusiast, but I can relate to the song. I do what I do at the place where my grandfather lived in part to preserve what he was trying to do, and in part to let my grandchildren enjoy it like I do.

"Someday this will all be yours," I told Liana the other day. But at 17 months, all she knows is that there are lots of places to walk around and explore.

I am doing what I do in the hopes that one day, Liana will stand on the concrete that used to support my grandfather's corn crib, where she can stand with her husband and children and see how the shadows of the trees move in the moonlight. Just like Grandpa did.

What am I looking for? Probably the same thing you are, at whatever kind of store you shop for projects that challenge your skills and let you build something to share with the people who matter most to you.

So the next time you are tempted to ask that question of someone who is apparently looking in the wrong aisle, remember this: That person is not merely shopping. He's thinking and dreaming. Don't disturb him.