Opinion : First rule of winter driving safety: DON'T!

(Editor's Note: The following op-ed piece is brought to you again this year by the car insurance industry, law enforcement, ambulance services and towing companies from any place where winter weather has produced driving hazards -- especially humans.)

I once had the enlightening experience of working with a teenage girl who had already wrecked her car two or three times.

She did not seem to make the connection between driving decisions and unpleasant results.

One a day when the winter weather was more appropriate for staying home (especially for certain drivers), this girl was driving to Cedar Rapids on Highway 30.

The story is best told in her words:

“I was driving in the snow when I passed a semi. I was so scared! My car started spinning….”

She somehow survived this experience without the imprint of a grill on her fender – or her forehead.

“Wait a minute!” I replied. “You passed a semi? While driving in a snowstorm?”

I do not remember her exact answer, but it was something like, "Yeah. Why not?"

As I sit here watching the weather forecast and looking at my shovels next to the door awaiting their turn, I am still amazed at the ridiculous way people drive in winter.

Officers all over the area –all over Iowa – will soon be responding to accidents. While I understand that sometimes winter conditions can cause a bad day for even the best drivers, I do believe that most winter accidents are preventable.

Someone put their car in the ditch along our road during the first snow "event" of one recent winter. It was on a curve, not a particularly sharp one. The car came to rest on a concrete culvert. It could have been worse. We laughed when we saw the “for sale” sign in the window.

I am surprised each winter when I see the way some people drive that they have lived long enough test their luck for another winter.

Some blockhead once passed me on a curve, in a snowstorm. Fortunately, he ran into the least expensive hazard a driver can face while doing something that dumb: A law enforcement officer. I laughed when I saw the flashing red lights. I hope he got a ticket.

I have had the misfortune at times of being the passenger of drivers who do not seem to understand the laws of physics when it comes to driving on snow and/or ice. Fortunately, I have only had one mishap, a harmless but inconvenient detour in a local ditch in the back seat of the station wagon my mom was driving on a New Year’s Eve in 1970-something.

But for those who have seen – or worse, known – drivers like my former teenage colleague, I am offering some advice for winter driving. It will probably go unheeded, but at least when I see them towing your sorry behind out of the ditch yet again, I can say, “I told you so.” Or at least, “I tried to tell you so, but you, like, totally blew me off, Dude.”

Winter Driving Safety Rule 1: Don’t. Simply accept the fact that there are some days you do not need to go anywhere. So, don’t. Stay home. Your chances of getting into an accident diminish significantly when you stay off the road. Unless, of course, your house is close to the road. About once every year for the first five years I worked in Vinton, someone would drive a car into a building. Many people who got in accidents while driving to someplace they really thought they had to be realized after their accident that hey, they really did not have to get there after all.

Winter Driving Safety Rule 2: Do not be an idiot. Slow down. Clean off the windshield, for crying out loud. Keep a very large distance between you and the car in front of you. Do not rely on brakes to slow you down at a stop sign or curve. Slow down. SLOW DOWN! I SAID SLOW DOWN! (This is how I am forced to communicate this to my children, who seem to defy the laws of nature by taking driving lessons from their father but insisting on driving like their mom.) Do not pass anyone. Ever. I once knew another guy who went into the ditch on a snowy, icy road, but somehow managed to get out. A few minutes later he passed someone, or tried to, on the same icy road. Crunch. Duh. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be an idiot.

Winter Driving Safety Rule 3: Look out for idiots. I used to drive a bit or more like the idiots I warned you about in No. 2, but one day during my first winter of driving, I learned a very valuable lesson. Fortunately, another driver saw me coming to a corner too quickly to turn, and stopped before I could smash into his car. That was a very good (and inexpensive lesson) that I took very much to heart.

Winter Driving Safety Rule 4: Slow down. Yes, I said it before, but for crying out loud, SLOW DOWN! If you are driving on a hill, slow down as you approach the top of the hill, and gently accelerate when you get to the bottom and begin ascending the next hill. This helps keep a steady speed and makes it less likely that you will spin out going down a hill (like my kids’ mom once did when she was their age). And remember, when the roads are slippery, you can NOT rely on your brakes to slow you down enough to safely turn.

Winter Driving Safety Rule 5: If you refuse to heed rules 1-4, please move away. Far away. And stay away at least until winter is over. Preferably longer.