I was one of those kids who were fortunate enough to not be saved from the worst humanity had to offer. Just having ringside tickets to the gore and horror probably would have been enough for anyone in childhood to grow up permanently desensitized by the cruelty. Completely blind to the suffering of others. Somehow I went in the opposite direction, empathy that was completely destructive.

I'll spare you the details of the various adversities I've faced; I'm lucky I am not blind to cruelty-I see it, feel it, can identify and name it, and if given enough time-could tell you each of it's properties and elements. So when I found myself numb during the pandemic, my first reaction was to condemn myself for not feeling guilty about my complete disregard for the suffering around me.That made it worse. The only socialization that was happening was on social media, and virtually everyone was struggling and I got to the point that my evergreen empathy suddenly switched. I completely shut down. I felt helpless. And I stopped fighting. My caring about everything quickly went into not caring about anything.It wasn't until I gave up the throne in my head that I started to feel again. I decided I needed strong boundaries a complete overhaul in my inventory of cares if I was going *LIVE* much less be effective in any cause to reduce unnecessary suffering.This brought me to a question that seems to help me navigate me back to my heart everytime I feel overwhelmed by the many injustices of the world: What do I care about enough to fight for? What breaks and affects my heart so much that I put my feet on the ground and spend my time and resources advocating for it?Watching and reading the news and paper just gets most people a bit excited, raises their blood pressure for a minute, they make an angry post on their platform but it quickly fades into distraction. And it just seems counter productive. That's not the kind of activist anyone needs in their fight against injustice. No one wants a half assed or half hearted advocate. For me, my heart is completely into fighting hopelessness and despair. I do that by telling my story. In my creating. I show up without the mask. It's terrifying and it's liberating. Do you actually care or are you only pretending to to protect yourself against being shamed for not caring?What has affected your heart enough to fight for?What does your advocating look like?What areas in your life need firm boundaries so you can be more effective in helping that cause?R. Darling

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TF October 20, 2022, 5:05 pm I am loving R. Darlings articles. Keep them coming please!