Opinion : A rewritten toast to 2012

Every year, millions of people stay up late, waiting for the ball to drop, so they can sing a song with 233-year-old words, many of which they don't understand. That's just one of our society's silly New Year's Eve habits.

I thought it would be appropriate, as we begin 2012, to take a new, more modern look at Auld Lang Syne:

Should auld bad habits be forgot

Oh wouldn't that be fine?

If when we woke up

On the First

They'd all be left behind

If we could drop those

Extra pounds

Like Lorre dumped

Charlie Sheen

And learn to replace our fossil fuels

With energy more green

Wouldn't it be great

My dear,

Wouldn't it be fine

If we would have only good habits

To last our whole life time?

If we would all live

Just as good

As most movies now are bad

Then we'd all be

As happy now

As Cain voters are sad

But there's one theory

That's proven true

Much more often

Than it's not

If we keep doing

What we've done

We'll stay stuck

With what we've got

So if twenty-twelve

Won't be the same

As was two, oh, one one

Then you and I must spark

Big change

And do what must be done

Wouldn't it be great

My dear,

Wouldn't it be bright

If choosing all the perfect things

Was as easy to do as write?