Opinion : Reading my mind: Time

I suppose it's an age thing. But I lately I've been pondering the number of days a person has on this earth and how best to spend them. Working full time, being a mom and grandma and wishing for more hours in a day, days in a week and more years is hard.

This past weekend was one of those times. I had planned to take Friday and the rest of the weekend off to lend a hand and help one of the kids, but I was torn. I spent more time trying to decide if I could or should. I mean I could and knew I should, but trying to give myself permission to walk away from the computer and town, was harder than it probably should have been.

Unfortunately, when you grow up being responsible, that really messes with you. You spend a lot ot time trying to figure out the order of what you're responsible for and how all of the priorities should be organized.

So I snuck away from the computer, it's almost like I was tiptoeing out the door and hoping the thing wouldn't notice. At noon on Thursday, I started getting ready to walk out the door. Work was done for the week, and I prepared for my escape.

I think in the last 4 years, this might be the first time I've taken a day off as a "vacation." And I probably need to do that more often, but this job is one of those weird ones that you don't simply walk away from.

Even on the "normal" holidays, like the 4th of July, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, there are things that need to be covered, so you grab the camera and go. Journalism has its drawbacks. I remember hating the 4th of July as far as a "holiday." It never was. It was time to get the kids ready to go to a parade where I spent time keeping an eye on all the kids, and making sure no one got run over by a tractor. On other holidays, the family schedule was working around journalism and while it was a deliberate choice to be in the field, no one hands you the fine print to read and sign off on.

Sure, it had its many benefits. The kids got to be part of many things that probably the average kid didn't get to see and do, it was great for the homeschooling experiences. It gave a front seat to many different venues. But as a mom, it was sometimes frustrating. Sometimes you just wanted to go somewhere and NOT have to work around a camera, keep everyone on their best behavior because of the camera and just for once leave town on the 4th of July and not have to work in the camera's schedule.

A week ago on a Sunday morning, after being up until two or three in the morning working on I can't even remember what, I dragged myself out of bed to go listen to a candidate for Senate. And it wasn't even "my" guy. It was interesting being one of two from the "other side" in the crowd, but nonetheless, at least the guy was fun to listen to and it made me grin to be bashed incognito by the speaker and they assume I was there for him, but getting the side eye from those in the crowd who knew it wasn't "my" guy. But hey, it was politics, and I absolutely love politics.

So I went to the meeting, took pictures, came home, uploaded them, got the story ready and went back to bed. It's just the way this job operates. For the most part, it's not a big deal. I've just learned that it's like having a newborn. You sleep when you can, and sometimes you're up all night fighting with a cranky story whose words are giving it a tummy ache. You rub the stories back, and occasionally it burps out phrases that didn't work and then it reads good for a while. Sometimes, after spending hours on a story, you read it in the light of the morning sun and decide, that one needs a diaper change.

Sometimes I find that like a baby. I just get cranky and will go to my toybox where all the words are stored, throw out all the words into a story, make a mess of it, and later delete it. Oh, there have been a ton of those over the last four years at the helm.

Like today, I need to do another story that I dread. Absolutely do not want to do. Sure, I could ignore it and hope it goes away. At the same time, I feel like it's one of those that well, if you remember Paul Harvey, it's a "the rest of the story" type of story. But I know it won't be fun.

So back to this weekend and taking a day away, well, a weekend away from the computer. The responsible part of me said, "You really SHOULD get back to town to cover this story." The mom part of me said, "What's more important? A few more hours with family or a story." Well, that's an easy answer, but it constantly fights with the job.

I stayed. I was glad I did. Unfortunately, the job kept nagging at me so I didn't fully put all into the last few hours there, but I felt like it was a step toward the right priorities. But the highlight of my weekend was, of course, family. Seeing most of the kids, and grandkids, that's what a mom and grandma need. Just to sit, watch and beam at the greatest accomplishments in the world. To watch two generations interact with each other and remember when the kids were small and the grandkids were babies. To have a few laughs at calamities that arise and to cheer at the successes.

On the way home, I realized that I forgot to play paparazzi and take pictures. I snapped a few, but I suppose, taking pictures felt like "work." Subconsciously, I suppose it was a way of putting my foot down and NOT working.

I was also reminded that I've lived more of my life than what I have left. While I love this job, I love my family much more. Now if I can just convince the boss that I should take more days off...